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13

Apr

im an advocate of actions

with words so empty

how could you be surprised at my actions

own your consequences

because you willed them so

own yourself

because you have control

I am broken but I can be fixed

I am damaged but I can be repaired

I will not settle in despair

I have woken up and looked myself in the mirror

and am tired of what I see

time to make a change, I’m ready

time to change the tune, i’m ready

time to face the truth, I’m ready

If i’m honest with myself, I can be honest with you finally.

10

Apr

Letting go

no one ever said it was easy

because if it was everyone would do it

you say you hate to see me cry

and I know its true

I’m listening now like never before

I am not only hearing but feeling your words

you wanted to save me

first from my own misery

now from what more you could inflict on me

and I know its true

but I can’t stop the painful grasp I have on you

because letting go is hard to do

and even though we agree that this is through

I can’t stop loving you regardless of all I put you through

in a moment things change and in this moment I’ve let go

and I know. its. true.

04

Apr

i don’t think anything could be worse than reaching for nothing

calling for an answer with no avail

i don’t think anything could be more empty

more lonely

than your absence in the sun

01

Apr

say goodbye

In the dream she came 

so fiercely

it was insane

how angry she felt

——

all the same she was

an angel from above

now how lungs are in her eyes, her eyes

——

chorus

—-

in the leaves she was

hunting for the truth

she was afraid to let him go

afraid to let it die

——chorus——-

where will her love go

when the angels say goodbye

where will her love go

when the angels say its time

i know how

to say goodbye

to say I tried

———-

found the words to say

im not angry anymore

im not gonna be a fool no more

———-

the end is near

again I fear

the end is near

———-chorus——-

like a leaf falling through the sky

you caught my eye

and when you left I was empty I was cold

and then you said

how to live and how to die

are the same things in my eyes

————-chorus——-

outro—————

so say goodbye

and dry your eyes

its time

say goodbye and close your eyes

the victim

id like to know why you felt the need to ruin my morning

please take the hate and bury it or something

(throwing me rocks and lead balloons will not do)

 over time this relevant terrain will shift

(maybe all my words will serve me well)

and maybe all my words will make you give a shit

please forgive me  but

the highs and lows from the broken places

have stolen my smile, at least for a while

The bit of troll that lives in me

 reasons for no one, especially you

the world still goes around on my apology tour

securing my place as the villain, you as the victim

I find liberation in your transparency

 but ill take you as you are

is anyone home? I question far too long

I tell myself

a word to the selfless

he is selfish

but lie with me in the grass 

please say the unsaid, for my own consciousness

with your bright yellow eyes

i know you want to man up

thrown overboard in a sea of loves undertow

with all your golden mistakes

ill let you go

Won’t be waiting for too long

before I realize he is gone

right now I’m fine, ecstatic even

but its only a matter of time

before I forget to breathe

curse the sky screaming

is there anyone for me

anyone with half a brain

looking for love and not insane

31

Mar

I know some small part of him cares about me

probably doesn’t make a definitive timeline

because he knows how much I have done

how much of myself I have given over the past two years

but why is he even asking me for money

after all I have done

an entitlement he thinks he deserves

after all I have done

it sickens me that he doesn’t see

after all I have done

that in fact he owes me

more than anything more than monetary things

more than that the hours more thanks the minutes,

days, weeks, months, years I wasted being his everything

I never gave up on him

until he gave up on me

23

Mar

Money is waste

Worrying about money is a pointless thing

Money will be the last thing on your mind and you take your final breath

so why is everyone so hell bent on security savings and the finer things

Whenever I start to worry about monetary things I readjust my thinking

and say to myself I have food, I have shelter, I have my health and happiness

What more could I really ask of this world 

someone implanted in our brains long ago that

bigger was better, richer wasn’t rich enough, and things and stuff

are what makes you happy

I won’t be that person to say money doesn’t matter

because it sure as hell makes life easier

but when you never had it and you most likely never will

lets just face reality and look at what is good and what will

last

my happiness is worth more than anything money can buy combined

so I make just enough to get by

19

Mar

I’m keeping my hands occupied

in effort to stop my brain from running wild

feeding into distraction so I

don’t have a moment to sit and think

for a minute I think of you

and question the miles and miles that we put ourselves through

what was it all for

if not to show us what we knew before 

I knew from the start it wasn’t smart to tempt you

I knew in my heart I was a fool for loving you